Touch Me!!?? 

With all of these cases of "sexual harassment" I feel the need to say something. 

#1    When I was eleven, my mother worked at a place where a grown man would make comments to me like "you gonna go stand on the street corner and wink at boys." He would say this after I'd gotten my hair done. 

#2   One time he did this, made this comment or something else and when he left, the woman who adopted me slapped my face.  She felt I didn't smile like I should when a man makes a comment like that, after all I wouldn't want to offend him. 

#3   A man from my father's work would ask me "how would you feel waking up next to me in the morning."  I was under ten years old.  He said this repeatedly.  The woman who adopted me would laugh.  I actually tried to imagine that scenario.  This man, I can't call him a man, this "person" was about 6'3 and 400 lbs.  I was never scared, I just knew I didn't like him nor those comments. 

#4  When I was in the back lane, this boy screamed "pull her pants down."  I was a fast runner so I outran that mob and went home.

#5    Oh yeah, I can't forget the rape by a stalker. 


Of course these are upsetting!  I guess I am most upset by --- I can't even say.  Would I sue someone? Fuck no!  Maybe I should sue the Social Service Agency that allowed me to be adopted by such a fucked in the head woman and man.  My father was a good man.  ---- Look up the book & movie "The Comfort of Strangers." 

If a man at work hits me on the ass will I sew 20 years later?  NO.  If that same man told me I'd better give him a blow job or I wouldn't get a promotion then I'd definitely do something about it.  I am only speaking from my viewpoint. 

#5---actually the stalking.  What upsets me the most is the man and woman who adopted me knew about it and did nothing.  I was 18 and terrified.  I wanted to go someplace anyplace.  Later, I saw the records and that BOY said that he was going to get a gun and come to my house.  Now would I be afraid of that?  NO.  I've been suicidal since I was 7.  No, I wouldn't want to be shot.  Typing this now, I realize how my apathy about my own existence developed.  My apathy about my own life didn't stem from this event but it didn't help.  IF MY CHILD EVER WERE STALKED OR HAD A PROBLEM WITH BULLYING I WOULD DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO STOP IT.  I WOULD NOT ALLOW MY CHILD TO GO THROUGH THIS WITHOUT ME BEING BY THEIR SIDE AT SCHOOL OR HIRING SOMEONE TO DO THAT!  There are so many suicides.  I was bullied in school also.   I won't even go into it. People used to say that children who were home schooled miss out on "socialization." Bullshit!  I WISH I would have been home schooled.  

I applaud the woman who have the courage to come forth.  I hope things work out how you want.

Hello.  How many ladies out there actually care if there are paper seat protectors in public restrooms. when a store supplies those it tells women.  I care about your buns. 

Stores that do not supply the seats say "who cares you're lucky we have a toilet for you to use." 
Many times I'd rather, and have peed in a cup!!  Yes, boys that is why some ladies wear long
skirts.

Reply and wrote "yes" if you care, and "no" if you don't! 

Thanks

Sunday Thing

I know I usually experience this empty pit in my stomach on Sunday's.  In the past, I've had to work on Monday's so Sunday meant the end to freedom.  The start of another horrible work week.  I didn't always feel that work was horrible but a lot of it was.  Work to me meant having to ask to go to the restroom, being forced to take a specific amount of time to go to lunch.  I have had jobs where I had more freedom but more often than not the jobs I've had were very restrictive.  I desire or desired a more free existence and I guess I have that now. 

When you have no friends, no lovers, no boyfriends, nothing the days and nights can be awful lonely.  Of course we are all in control of our thoughts.  We can think positively or negatively about our own situations.  So I will list ten, if I can think of ten positive things.

1.  This keyboard on this computer miraculously started working today
2.  My dog is laying at my foot keeping it warm.
3.  My cat is sitting about three feet away looking at the dog. 
4.  I have vanilla ice cream to eat.
5.  I have internet access.
6.  I have cable TV.
7.  My car got worked on and work along with the air conditioning.
8.  I went to church and had a nice time.
9.  I was able to sit Th

------OK I was at 11 and as I've forgotten this damn keyboard erased everything so fuck it.

Just don't feel like it.  No one knows what the future will bring.  What do I want it to bring?"
Prosperity
Happiness
Creativity
A  Partner

I accept me as I am, I'm not sure why I haven't been able to find someone who feels the same way.  I'm tired of having to accept people into my life who only want to use me.  While I let them use me,
I'm not sure how I feel.  I guess I feel powerful for having been able to capture their attention. 

This day will be over soon.  There are tons of cleaning things I can do here.  Night.

March 2, 2017 First Post

I hesitate to say anything.  This is me.  I want to be free and open.  I know people are nosey and I really don't care but I also don't want to look like a fool.

I have struggled with certain "issues" my entire life.

STRING THEORY - Quantum field theory...I'm watching "Flight from Darkness:  A Bipolar Disorder Documentary.   String theory has 10 dimensions.  I believe in string theory.  I'm remembering this radio broadcast something on NPR that talked about how a cell was split in two and one half was sent across the country or further and when one side was stimulated that other half also acted as though it were receiving the same stimulation.  That tells me.......I can't even go into it.

I long for companionship.  There's nothing wrong with that.  I struggle to stay positive.  I have many of the things I have always wanted.  I have fur kids who love me immensely!! I have free cable TV.  I could be watching that now.  I think I will.  Today is so damn cold in this building.  Thank God I brought my earbuds.  I can listen to "I Got You."  That song does something to my soul.  It's the music in the beginning then the way she says youuuuuuuuuu.  I wish someone had me.  There is one person but it's an odd sort of thing.  I deserve more.

I don't know what I want...I do but I don't have it and fear I'll never have it so I want to give up on everything.  I guess I should just continue to live day by day.  Minute by minute.  That is all we have minutes.   Each minute.  Nothing more.  I want someone to love me.